Adulting

I like Beer!

Nov 02, 2020

This is only somewhat tongue-in-cheek.

I’ve got news for my younger readers.

There is no such entity as a fully formed “adult”.

There are people “adulting”. And some are way better at it than others. But, at the end of the day, in the privacy of our thoughts or our bedrooms or wherever, most of us seen as older human beings, are just our nine-year old selves doing the best we can.

Laughing at fart jokes, giggling over juvenile pranks played on the cat or the dog, throwing popcorn at the television screen.

Scary thought, I know. I’ve been saying this for years.

Every year I am one year older than the year before yet every year my mind is still trapped in the past somewhere. I don’t see myself as old and I don’t feel any more capable of making mature decisions due to my time spent here on earth. All of those lifelong lessons and all of that accumulated wisdom can fly right out the door at a moment’s notice if my nine-year old self decides to throw a tantrum.

I do make decisions. And I am perpetually proud of myself for making adult decisions but, as soon as I can, I am right back to reveling at the opposite of “adulting”. (Honestly. Every now and then, I’ll do something adult-like, and I’ll think to myself “that was mighty responsible of you.” And give myself a pat on the back.)

It’s a scary thought for me because I realize those pulling the levers for us at the top of the societal food chain are no better equipped to do so than I am. I was truly hoping to get to this stage of my life and feel confident in the adults who were in charge.

Some people are certainly more capable at presenting their adult facade to the world and we should all be grateful for that. And then there are those - politicians especially - who can barely hold it together for an interview without devolving into their whiny nine-year old selves.

Just because you were elected to something, appointed to something, know a lot about something or climbed some ladders to become something doesn’t mean you aren’t just one trigger away from going full nine-year old mentally ballistic. You saw this at the Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court hearings on public display.

“I like BEER!”

And, as a lighter, more carefree example, I emerged from the darkened theater after having seen Underworld at Seattle’s affordable Crest Theater, and a 40-something father with his two prepubescent children were walking in front of me and I was already somewhat intrigued because a vampire versus werewolf gore festival didn’t seem appropriate viewing even for someone as liberally bent as I am but then the father gleefully remarked to no one and everyone in particular in the lobby, “That movie fucking rocked!” The little nine-year old boy in him just couldn’t contain himself any longer.

Repeatedly it seems like roles are being reversed.

Greta Thunberg seems far more mature than 99% of her detractors. Some of the Parkland high school shooting survivors seem more grounded than our president - which I realize is not saying a great deal. Young legislators like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez have a much firmer handle on decorum than her colleagues despite only having been on the job for two years.

This is an encouraging trend.

Admittedly, many of us try desperately to stay in touch with our inner child because of a fear, that if we don’t, we’ll grow old on the inside as quickly as we are aging on the surface. The expression “I’m growing older, not up” - which I must have learned from the Jimmy Buffet song by the same name - has been a favorite for a very long time.

So, let this be a public service announcement to younger folks everywhere. Adulting is tiring. The responsibility of having to adult is tiring. I started serious periodic adulting at 22 and have been trying to stave it off ever since. Just remember. Even though you may not have the depth and breadth of knowledge us old farts do, you are every bit as capable of making decisions.

You may find that exhilarating. You may find it horrifying. You may not care.

In the immortal words of the narrator of Slaughterhouse Five,