I See Color

"Why Can't We Just Get Along?" I Am Not Being Sarcastic

I see color.

I listened to Sterling K. Brown’s heartfelt livestream yesterday which was his measured emotional response to the murder of Ahmaud Arbery. Sterling K. Brown is an actor and one of the primary characters on the hit television show, This Is Us. He plays a cerebral, highly successful, anxiety-laden adopted black son in an All-American, all-white family. I have enjoyed every season of This Is Us I have watched thus far, but I must warn you to have a handkerchief at hand to keep your bowl of popcorn from getting soggy.

Sterling begins his soliloquy with a story about how his mother warned him when he was little that because he was ‘more black than some blacks’ that when he walked down the streets of his hometown there would be no way for him to mask his blackness. She explained to him that white people were bound to react to his blackness.

They would clutch their purses more tightly. They might cross the street to avoid him. They would certainly be more wary.

His mom was preparing him for what his life was going to be like in America. And those reactions would be the most benign reactions he could expect.

Sterling recounts that, like his character Randall in This Is Us, he likes to go jogging. And, despite the lessons from his mom, when he goes jogging he feels his ‘otherness’ from those who are not black but he never expects to be tracked down by men with guns and killed for no good reason.

That was what happened to Ahmaud Arbery in Georgia.

I am of the South. I was born in Mississippi. I am not ‘woke’ and I know I am not the best ‘ally’ of ‘others’. I did not grow up in a mixed race neighborhood. My high school had about a dozen black students. I played football with several of them. I have very few black friends and, unbeknownst to me at the time, I wound up relocating to one of the whitest regions in America - the Pacific Northwest.

I was never taught to hate, quite the opposite, but, even so, I see color. When I see a black person, my mind registers that they are black. My reptilian mind, no doubt, reacts by becoming more guarded, cautious or wary. This is only true, of course, if I do not know them.

My intellectual mind tells me to calm down. Relax. Smile. Nod hello. I know my involuntary response is irrational but it’s there, and I have to deal with it.

And I do.

When I visit Seattle these days, one of my favorite haunts (which I truly hope survives the pandemic) is the BluWater Bistro at Leschi. Initially, I loved hanging out there because they had dozens of huge screens tuned in to sports and they had my favorite IPA from Georgetown Brewing on tap - Bodhizafa. But, what I have come to love the most about it, is that it’s a melting pot for the distinct neighborhoods that are close by.

The crowds that show up there to watch the Seahawks and the Sounders, play pool or shuffleboard, and the bartenders and the waitstaff are a mixed group of blacks and whites from every socioeconomic strata. The bartenders and the waitstaff do a phenomenal job of pretending to know and welcome everybody. No one gets neglected or overlooked. From the beginning, I’ve felt comfortable there.

First of all, it saddens me that I have lived in such a racial bubble my entire life.

It saddens me knowing that in “the land of the free” people who are not white have to watch their every step. Measure their every word.

It saddens, and angers, me that it seems we have lost ground since presuming we were making headway toward a post-racial America with the election of a black president.

I get saddened and angered knowing that we wasted - for 8 years - a ‘teachable moment’.

It saddens, and angers, me that some of the largest bullhorns in the land are dedicated toward deepening the divide and reopening the wounds.

It saddens me that such a gentle, thoughtful soul like Sterling K. Brown is compelled, because of too, too many senseless killings of black men by white men, to speak out in anguish. And, in the process, raise awareness that even wildly successful actors like him have to take care navigating white America. Have to look over their shoulder while living in a country that is still paying lip service to words written over two hundred years ago.

The times they are a’changing. After all, a black man played Thomas Jefferson in the musical Hamilton.

But it’s just not fast enough for my taste.

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Here’s the latest Some Good News, Episode 7, just in case you are relying on me for your weekly reminder. I believe members of the American version of The Office pop in for prolonged cameos.

Also, I just came across one of David Byrne’s latest endeavors and it is called Reasons To Be Cheerful. It’s a website that serves as an amalgamator of news that does not fall under the Debbie Downer category. Byrne, formerly of the Talking Heads and Tom Tom Club, and someone I regularly quote, “Same as it ever was” from the song and “Do do a do, and don’t do a don’t” from a sex ed film, believes we have enough negative news in the world. Their tagline being, “Tonic for tumultuous times.”

I subscribed to their newsletter. It was free.