Why We Have to Talk About Jeffrey Epstein
Strike while the iron is hot.
The leader of the most significant nation on planet earth is embroiled in a scandal for the ages. Why are we hearing about this now? Why is everyone foaming at the mouth and the keyboard over a pedophile who died — purportedly — by his own hands during Dear Leader’s last term?
Because Dear Leader chummed the MAGA waters with the bullshit that he, and only he, was going to get to the bottom of the Jeffrey Epstein dossier IF IT WAS THE LAST THING HE EVER DID! You just needed to trust him and elect him…again.
He repeated this dictum over and over at his klan rallies and every time it elicited applause and cheers.
But, you say, that was just one of many, many, many lies, bullshit stories and things Dear Leader crooned at his soft-headed adherents.
And — besides — now that he is firmly ensconced in the newly gold gilded Oval Office, he is terrorizing the nation by keeping the markets in turmoil with 19th century taxes, chasing down migrants, immigrants and emigrants — documented and undocumented, draining the U.S. Treasury in the hopes he can decimate the social safety net while ballooning his own net worth, threatening literally anyone and everyone over the slightest of slights and signing off on any hare-brained right-wing fever dream that crosses the Resolute Desk.
Shouldn’t those anti-democratic moves be our greatest concern?
Why should we give a rat’s ass — or a possum’s anus, or, let’s get alliterative, a racoon’s rump — over a story more than a decade old where the sex trafficker is rotting in the earth and his Girl Friday safely behind bars? Why waste our time over a crime laid to rest?
Because those young victims were not sex trafficked to NO ONE. They were sex trafficked to influential, powerful clients. Which, according to soft-headed adherent lore, the “Deep State” was protecting.
Some of you may not follow or care about politics. I’m hoping most of you are not readers easily drawn into cults. In the case of those things, you may not fully appreciate the depth, breadth and insanity of the QAnon cult.
Dear Leader has been feeding red meat to the QAnon cultists for a decade. They fervently — I cannot emphasize “fervently” enough — believe he will bring the pedophiles from the Democratic Party to justice. They believe he is their champion against people (because Hillary Clinton may not be a pedophile per se but — according to the people dropped on their heads when they were children and became the nut jobs in QAnon — she does drink the blood of babies for the…oh, never mind…it’s not important) who abuse, traffick and rape children.
QAnon burst onto the scene — initially — to stop child sex trafficking. There were large, angry protests populated by people that looked just like you and me. Moms, dads, dentists, grocers, yard workers, college students, security guards. You get it. They could have been your next door neighbor.
But this wasn’t just any old child sex trafficking they were up-in-arms about. These people were being ‘groomed’ to believe the rich elites — which, as we all know, include only Democrats, progressives, communists, socialists, Marxists, reds, social justice warriors, politically correct do-gooders — were not just sex trafficking children they were harvesting their blood so they could remain young forever. (Creepily in that love letter 50th birthday card from Dear Leader to his Best Friend Forever, Dear Leader alludes to how perhaps the two of them have discovered ‘The Fountain of Youth’ — in so many words. “Enigmas never age, have you noticed that”)
And then a QAnon true believer burst into a Washington D.C. pizza joint with a loaded weapon believing there was a basement full of sex trafficked kids hooked up to blood machines or something. Edgar Maddison Welch knew this to be true because Faux News was on endless loop about Hillary’s emails with John Podesta and — it was crystal clear to ALL tinfoil hat wearers — Podesta was using the word “pizza” as code for child sex trafficking or child pornography.
Got it?
Would you be surprised to learn there were no children there? In fact, there was no basement?
Podesta and Hillary were part of the Deep State cabal that everyone in QAnon KNOWS exists. QAnon cultists are convinced only people on the Left in very high places are pedophiles.
Which brings us to the Epstein Files and, hopefully, fingers crossed, videos and recordings.
Dear Leader once poo-pooed QAnon and anything related to it. Said he’d never heard of it but he “liked” the idea. Then, as time went on, he started promising to release the names in the Epstein Files and end child sex trafficking in our lifetimes. All with the stroke of his mighty pen.
His crazed cabinet members also drank Dear Leader’s Kool Aid and before they were cabinet members they, too, stoked the QAnon fires of finally getting to the bottom of the long-awaited tranches of information involving Jeffrey Epstein — and all of his clients — being released. They helped Dear Leader’s campaign by stirring QAnon followers expectations that, once in office, all would be revealed.
THIS is why this cockamamie story has spread like grassland wildfires. THIS is why it matters now.
The army of foot soldiers who stormed the Capitol building on January 6th, 2021 were almost certainly made up of QAnon true believers. These people are fanatics. They had no idea they wouldn’t be mowed down by automatic weapons. Still they surged toward the seat of the U.S. Government.
Because Dear Leader asked them to.
Now what they’re hearing from their champion and his minions is obfuscation, stonewalling, gibberish and gaslighting.
The files exist. They don’t exist.
There’s something there. There’s nothing to see here.
I’m releasing them tomorrow. Maybe in two weeks. Maybe never.
This isn’t the first time he’s been all over the map about something. But it is the first time the subject matter is deeply concerning to his diehard advocates. The ones who would gladly die on any hill for him.
And, so, even though there are dozens and dozens and dozens of topics and issues and catastrophes cascading our way somehow we need to keep the Epstein Files topic floating at the top. It will be a Sisyphean task.
Who knows?
Maybe we can rile up his base enough to get them to storm some other building this time.
I’ve decided to tuck some humor into this column. It needs it. The world IS burning, after all.
Also, when I wrote ‘mighty pen’, my mind jumped to Randy Newman singing about his ‘mighty sword’. It was one of those mental leaps I wasn’t sure tied together somehow. I think it does though. I think it does.